In our small group recently, one of the members was telling us about a book she and her husband have been reading: “Humility, the journey towards holiness,“ by Andrew Murray. I had heard of him and knew he lived at the beginning of the last century, but that was it, so I looked him up. He lived from 1828 to 1917, was a South African pastor and Bible teacher. He believed that “the chief end of Church is mission,“ and wrote about 50 books and many more tracts and pamphlets. He had a notable influence on other ministers around the turn of the century, including Rees Howells.

As I scanned through the bibliography, I was struck by the journey that the books he wrote suggest that he was on at around the time he wrote about humility. The particular sequence of titles that stood out was this: “Have mercy on me,” “Absolute surrender,” “Humility, the journey towards holiness,” “The deeper Christian life“ “Waiting on God,“ “The divine indwelling,“ and “Lord teach us to pray.“

I haven’t read any of these books, so this is purely conjecture, but there seems to be a picture here of a spiritual journey that speaks powerful truth for all of us. It goes like this: When we recognise how desperately we need God’s mercy we give our lives to Him completely, and in doing so we learn the meaning of true humility. In that place we can go much deeper in our relationship with God, which is where we learn what it is to really wait on Him. It is only when we spend time seeking His presence that we start to grasp something of the reality of “Christ in us, the hope of glory,” and that is when we begin to learn the true power of prayer.

Murray was a prolific writer, and all these titles were written within two years. “Humility, the journey towards holiness,” gives us a window into the intensity of the journey he was on. He writes about how God was dealing with pride in his life, and how the Lord told him to spend a month shut off from all communication with others, including his wife and the family, reading nothing (I don’t know if this included the Bible or not, but certainly nothing else) and writing nothing; communing only with the Lord while He dealt with Murray’s pride.

Did Andrew Murray have such a mountain of pride in his life? Or do we all have mountains that need  months on our knees before God before He can deal with them, and only spiritual giants like Andrew Murray and Rees Howells – who had similar extreme dealings with the Lord – have the commitment and devotion to really allow God to have His way?

I was turning this over in my mind and was wondering how far I actually fell short of being a “good and faithful servant“ in the light of what He had asked of Andrew Murray. So I asked Him: “What do you want from me, Jesus?” His answer came straight back, and of course it was full of grace, yet deeply challenging at the same time. “What can you give me?“ He said.

Immediately I started going through different things in my life that I hold dear or that seem important, but everything I looked at seemed to be either indispensable or to have significance to other people as well as for myself. I can’t give him that, because… And I certainly can’t give him THAT, because… You can guess how it went.  Then I thought of Christina Rosetti’s words in her beautiful Christmas hymn “In the bleak midwinter:“  “What can I give Him, poor as I am? If I were a shepherd I could bring a Lamb. If I were a wise man, I would play my part, yet what I can I give him: give him my heart.” Yes, I could do that, I thought; except I already have – when I became a Christian more than 40 years ago. How can I give him my heart again? Then the thought struck me. It’s not just a one-off moment. Well yes, in a sense it is, because when we are born again God gives us a new heart, a heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone.  But the heart represents the centre and the driving force of our lives. It’s the seat of our will, our emotions, our reactions. It’s where the rivers of living water flow from when we are moving in the Spirit. It’s where His law is written. I have to give Him my new heart on a daily, moment by moment, basis. If He has got my heart, I am able to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, so I won’t dwell on negatives. If He has got my heart, the fruit of the Spirit will show in my life because it won’t be controlled by the flesh and by my circumstances. And if He got my heart, I think I’ll be able to loosen my grip on the things that I hold tight, so at least I’ll be able to put them down sometimes when He asks me to, without feeling that I will have to lose them forever.

I think that this is what Paul means when he implores the Romans to “present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.” (Romans 12:1) And how can we then “be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God?” (Romans 12:2) By quickly giving Him our hearts when they are beset by negatives and lusts, and receiving what is on His heart instead – that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

So what can you give Him? Give Him your heart. You don’t need to be a spiritual giant.